The machine

Nemanja Vidic has been one of the instrumental players in Manchester United's excellent defense this season. Here's what I found somewhere on the net:

Guns don't kill people. Nemanja Vidic kills People.

Nemanja Vidic does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Nemanja Vidic is Pain.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Nemanja Vidic does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nemanja Vidic could use to kill you - including the room itself.

Nemanja Vidic once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

There are no races, only countries of people Nemanja Vidic has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Nemanja Vidic has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Nemanja Vidic, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Nemanja Vidic grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Nemanja Vidic once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.

Nemanja Vidic played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

In a 50-50 challenge, Nemanja Vidic would win 150-nil.

Nemanja Vidic does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Nemanja Vidic recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Nemanja Vidic puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Nemanja Vidic once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Nemanja Vidic hates The Beatles; two to go.

Nemanja Vidic crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.

When Nemanja Vidic exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Nemanja Vidic's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Nemanja Vidic beat the hair off Chuck Norris' chest.

Nemanja Vidic died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't close players down, they are drawn to his legs by the force of gravity.

When Nemanja Vidic Runs he stays still the Earth moves under his feet like a treadmill

One of the new quadrants caught on fire last week after Nemanja fixed it a glare.

Stupid tackles don't break peoples legs, Nemanja Vidic does.

Nemaja Vidic once woke up in a foul mood. The result was the Yugoslav wars.

Fergie didn't drop Darren Fletcher, Nemanja Vidic dropped Darren Fletcher.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't mark players, he permanently stamps them.

Nemanja Vidic once turned up for training late - Fergie fined the rest of the team for being early.

Nemanja Vidic doesn't head the ball away, the ball heads the other way.

Wes Brown isn't injured - Nemanja Vidic mistook him for a jaffa cake.